BREAKING: Santa is White! - What the Hell is Wrong With Fox News?

FOX News Host Megyn Kellly

Ok, seriously, what's up with these Fox News people?  At one moment they're demanding to be taken seriously and the next they're back on to things like the "War on Christmas" and other items from the lunatic fringe.  Megyn Kelly is one of the channel's nighttime anchors with her own show.  She was recently on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno saying "I'm a straight anchor.  I'm not one of the opinion hosts."  That's Megyn in the picture to the left by the way just oozing anchor credibility.

On her show yesterday she brought up as a topic a recent opinion piece by Slate contributor Aisha Harris titled "Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore".  She began the segment by reassuring all the kids who might be viewing, you know her viewership that still believes in Santa Claus, that the man was indeed white.  So rest easy kids.  No worries that he might be Hispanic or black or, God forbid, Asian.  What I found funniest was that she was obviously assuming that any child who might be watching at the time would be white.  Says a lot about Fox News in general.

Gratuitous Scarlett Johansson Photo

She further went on to claim that Jesus was white as well.  Not like the Jesus those minority, PC whiners have been trying to push.  We won't even get into that one but, if Jesus was real and I do believe he was, he was Hebrew.  So he would have, in my best guess, have looked something like the modern day Hebrew and Palestinian folks who populate the Middle East.  Of course some modern day Jews like Joe Lieberman or Scalett Johansson could easily be seen as white but they've passed through generations of mixing in Europe.  Jesus would certainly look more Middle Eastern.  Maybe even something close to bin Laden as freaky as that might be.  You'll excuse the gratuitous photo of Scarlett here.

Penguin Claus?

So, yea, Fox News knows its audience and Megyn Kelly isn't really a serious anchor.  I think we've established that.   What Aisha Harris was talking about in her piece was that it's time for a more race neutral Santa and I like her alternative.  I hope she doesn't mind me borrowing the picture.  She has suggested something like a Santa penguin.  Kids love animals and Happy Feet and it just seems fun.  I mean I honestly don't care what Santa looks like.  It's the story that counts.  It's the thought of some selfless somebody going around the world bringing joy to kids.  Nevermind that he obviously seems to like wealthy kids more and that some poor kids are totally off his radar.  But seriously, come on, does it really matter what the origins of Santa Claus are?

One of these days, if and when I have a child, I still don't know how I would handle the Santa Claus thing.  On the one hand it seems like it ends up being the first time that your child finds out you might lie to them.  But if I raise a child not believing in Santa you know they would go to school and blab and then every parent around would hate me.  Touchy subject.  So just for the sake of discussion, who is Santa Claus anyway?

Nikolaos of Myra

Santa Claus is based on Saint Nicholas, Nikolaos of Myra that is, who was a Christian bishop in what is today Turkey.  He was a real man who had a reputation for giving gifts in secret.  Specifically he was reported to have put coins in the shoes of people who left them outside for him.  Guessing that's where the stocking thing originated.  Anyway, somewhere in the passage of time and the Danish something or another with Sinterklaas we ended up with the Santa Claus of Currier and Ives, Norman Rockwell, and Clement Clarke Moore.  He is a sort of amalgam of Father Christmas, Pere Noel, Sinterklaas, maybe even Odin.  At any rate I think it's very important that people remember where Christmas really came from.

Christmas is an invention of the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages.  Originally in the pagan lands of Europe the holiday was Yule.  It was a celebration of the winter solstice.  There may have been sacrifices which is the reason for the red and green that symbolize Christmas to this day.  Blood sacrifice to bring back the green of spring, that sort of thing.  As with Easter, the Church didn't want these pagan celebrations going on while they were trying to proselytize and convert the peoples of Europe so Christmas was invented and Jesus' birthday was forever made to be December 25.  But the stories pagans had long associated with the Yule season still wouldn't go away.

Tomte

Cernunnos

In Scandinavia there were tales of little people, gnomes, trolls, what not, who would protect the flocks and were given gifts of oatmeal for Yule.  Which is of course where the cookies for Santa thing comes from.  These tomte were little goat-headed critters when depicted in festivals of the season.  The problem with this is they also look a little like the Devil.  In the Bible Lucifer is described as being a beautiful angel, the most beautiful in fact.  But along the way popular depictions of him were made with goat hooves and horns or antlers.  A combination of the Roman Pan and the Celtic Cernunnos, combinations showing the animalistic potential of mankind; it's what we usually think of when images of the Devil show up.  Totally not acceptable to commemorate the birth of Jesus.  So even though some of these old traditions still survive in parts of Europe, the more traditional and inoffensive Santa Claus is the more common face of the season.  He has been since the 1800s thanks to commercialism, print media, song, and story.  The modern Santa is a symbol of abundance and joy.  I certainly don't find him offensive but then again I'm white and of European stock, Scottish to be specific.  The Father Christmas of England with which my ancestors would have been familiar is very similar to the Santa of today.

Yes This Was a Thing

But the point here is that the entirety of it all, Christmas, Santa, how it's all celebrated, has been evolving since the dawn of man.  From midwinter festival to Frosty the Snowman it has changed from year to year.  The only reason to resist any change the way the people at Fox News do is just another excuse to feel culturally superior.  This is the stock and trade of the far right, Tea Party, et al.  It's the Culture War.  It's the outsiders trying to change the way we celebrate our Americanness (read whiteness).  There are old things from Europe that many children still learn, Grimm's Fairy Tales and that sort of thing, but even those are viewed through a modern lens.  Children in America today have a new set of fairy tales and they are from the minds of Disney and Pixar not the Brothers Grimm.  Despite protestations things have changed.  I was raised on Three Billy Goats Gruff and, like it or not, Little Black Sambo.  Fairy tales today are snails who want to be race cars or rats who want to be famous chefs.

Thomas Nast's Santa Claus

Fox News just represents a segment of our society that refuses to accept change.  They're okay with having salsa as a condiment but don't want to think that their kids might have to be exposed to a Mexican Santa.  Well how about a penguin?  I mean really.  I loved Happy Feet.  Penguins are cute and they're considered cute and fun in cultures around the world.  It's fun for kids and it certainly makes me smile.  After all, Santa Claus isn't real, right?  He is a myth.  There are no elves making little toy trains or android powered tablets.  Those are real people in factories in China.  Those clothes you don't want to get are made in sweatshops in Bangladesh, not a cute little factory in the North Pole.  So here's my vote for Santa Penguin.  Just needs a catchier name now.