A couple of weeks ago, in East Oakland, California, an 18 year old was asleep on a bus. A 16 year old set fire to the skirt the other was wearing ultimately causing severe burns that will necessitate skin grafts and painful rehab. The 18 year old was Luke Fleischman, a senior in high school.
Luke prefers to be called Sasha. He refers to himself as "agender" or "nonbinary gender". Whether the actions of the 16 year old were a hate crime or merely a prank it's obviously an act that should be prosecuted and the perpetrator punished.
Here's an article from the Mercury News on the attack: http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_24457005/oakland-man-stable-condition-after-set-fire-aboard
That's not the point of this blog. Yesterday I read an open letter from the victim's father on the Huffington Post which you can read here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/karl-fleischman/a-letter-to-my-community-after-my-child-was-lit-on-fire_b_4269089.html
The letter explains Sasha and his beautiful spirit and the father goes on to express that he hopes what happened to his son was an accident. He doesn't want to believe that somebody would willingly hurt his son. The father is a grade school teacher and discusses the difficulties he's faced trying to explain these events to his students, ultimately choosing to discuss fire safety.
I would love to just let this story go and wish Sasha best wishes and a speedy recovery. What I want to address though is how this all happened and the problem with the father's reaction and, indeed, the way Sasha has been raised.
It's pretty common to find people who are either willfully naïve or simply unaware that the world can be a nasty place. It's full of intolerant people and bullies. Though it would be nice to believe otherwise this will probably always be the case. I would go so far as to say it is delusional to believe that, at some point in human history, there will be a mass epiphany and tolerance will shower down from the heavens.
I want to stress fully once more that I in no way condone the actions of the kid who set Sasha on fire. I condemn it vehemently and if I had been there I would have tried to stop it. I need to say this again because what I'm saying here is heresy in the liberal community of which I am a solid part. But I am also a realist.
Luke/Sasha was raised to believe that he could be whatever he wanted to be in life. He was raised knowing firmly that he had an absolute right to pursue whatever lifestyle he chose and his parents were behind him 100%. That is a beautiful sentiment and an admirable one.
But, it's like having a child who believes in Santa. One day you know your child is going to find out the truth. Maybe you will be the one to have to break it to them. It's a moment that carries a ton of weight because it's separating your child from an innocence that is pure and beautiful. But, in fact, it is a lie. Not a bad lie. It would be amazing to have the story be real. Just as it would be amazing to think that people would be universally tolerant of everybody else's lifestyle choices.
Let me add here that, hopefully obviously, I'm not saying that Luke/Sasha was asking for what happened to him or deserved it. And I know my liberal brethren and know my message will still be misread god bless them.
The thought I want to get out there is that the world isn't a bubble like you find on HuffPo message boards, or gender studies classes at your local university, or in the books you read regarding cismale/cisfemale issues or LGBT support groups. Though attitudes are certainly changing, they haven't changed to the point where you should feel comfortable being yourself when you go out into the stew of humanity.
There is no way this boy should have been comfortable travelling alone or falling asleep on public transportation. His parents should have instilled in him the knowledge that, although it should be okay for him to pursue whatever path he chooses, there are many people out there who are uncomfortable with it and may react in a hateful manner.
No number of hate laws or awareness raising events or writings will make this world a fully illuminated place. There will always be potential for backlash. Always.
When I was young and growing up in Mobile, Alabama, not the Bay Area of California mind you, I was playing in bands and we would have rehearsals in run down buildings downtown. This was the early '80s in the Deep South. Downtown Mobile is a vibrant entertainment district these days. Back then it was abandoned buildings and a few gay bars. My friends and I, all straight to the best of my knowledge, would go to these clubs after rehearsals to dance and hang out. We were accepted and we were tolerant and gay friendly.
It was pretty common for a carload or truckload of rednecks to come to downtown Mobile on any given night back then to throw bricks, scream "faggot", the usual stuff you would expect. The denizens of these clubs would frequently make the unwelcome visitors pay the price with smashed windshields, bloodied faces, etc. I found it quite amusing to see the tables turned. But the people who came to these clubs to dance and get away from the hetero world new that outside the club was the real world. They knew what they could get away with. It was a matter of turf.
I'm sure it's easy living in California and being raised by liberal parents to believe that the whole world will accept you as the beautiful child you are. They will see the pure spirit inside and celebrate it with you. But it's a disservice to the children to let them believe that Santa is still out there somewhere.
On a side note but related, a couple of weeks ago there was an awesome segment on the Daily Show where a reporter and two men pretending to be gay were sent to Mississippi and Alabama to gauge reaction to their open gayness. They were shocked to discover that nobody seemed to mind and even received open applause when one proposed to the other in a Waffle House. See? There are more people like me in Alabama. Little blue dots with open minds and hearts. But for god's sake don't think this is the norm. In Alabama or California.
Here's that Daily Show segment.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/30/the-daily-show-alabama-mississippi-gay-video_n_4177839.html
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